When this young man told me his story tears overwhelmed my eyes and I felt unmeasurable pressure on my heart. As I listened to him speak my first thought was this could have easily been me. To my readers I introduce to you Michael Gardner now known as Abdul Haqq.
It all started in 1983 at GIANTS GROCERY STORE. I was 5 years old. My mother often took me to the grocery store with her and used me as a distraction as she shoplifted.Â
At the time we lived in Alexandria, Virginia. In low- income housing ~AKA~ “Uptown.” My mother was an addict, and my father was what I only understood at that time as being a coward.Â
We were poor. I remember being hungry often. Our house was infested with addicts and roaches. It was not long after my mother’s addiction that she ended up in prison. My 6-month-old brother went to live with his father and grandparents in North Carolina and that was the last time I saw him up until recently. My aunt requested and was granted custody of me.Â
The few times that I spoke with my mother she promised me that once she was released from prison, she would come get me. Needless to say, she never showed up. Instead, when she got out, she went back to drugs and the streets. She stayed in and out of jail and prison. And because of that I grew to hate her.
My father stayed not even 50 yards away from my mother and me. In the same housing complex yet, he never played a part in raising me, loving me, providing for me, not even guiding me. Can you imagine what it feels like to know your father is that close to you yet, wants no part in raising you. A child that he helped create.Â
Living with my aunt was a blessing and a curse. My aunt could not have kids of her own. So I was that kid she always wanted. She would spoil me with gifts and clothes, but never love. She was strict and mean. To her I needed to be perfect in every aspect of my life and if I wasn’t, I would pay the price.
If I messed up in school, or got caught throwing rocks, or out a little after my curfew she would beat me. “My aunt would use anything in her reach to punish me with.” Belts, extension cords, and the list goes on!Â
If I did not behave the way that my aunt wanted me to, she would degrade and verbally abuse me. She would say things like, “that’s why no one gives a shit about you, you’re going to be just like your mother on drugs or in prison, you’re not going to amount to anything, and that’s why your father doesn’t want anything to do with you.” Eventually I began to not only believe those things, but act on them as well. I stopped trying to be perfect and started being rebellious.Â
I went from being an honor student, track runner, and high school football player to drug dealing, robbing people, and running the streets looking for a love that was nonexistent in my life.
Due to my rebelliousness at 15 years of age. My aunt told the judge that my behavior was out of control and that she no longer wanted to have custody of me. Instead of placing me with a different family member the judge committed me to DYFS (Department of Youth and Family Service). I was in DFYS custody for 3 years and 2 months before being released to a halfway house. I gained employment shortly after being at the halfway house. I violated one rule, and the supervisor immediately started the procedure to have me revoked and sent back to the youth correctional center where I would remain until my 21st birthday.Â
When I reflected on my life…… It had been at the hands or actions of someone white that I experienced different levels of pain. My mother was taken away from me by two white police officers at the age of five. And that was the last image of my mother that had, and it replayed in my mind for over 10 years. A lot of my run ins with the law were racist situations where pain was inflected on me by a white face which, made me want to give them some of that pain back. So, my anger not just from white people, but my mother’s abandonment, my father’s absence and my aunt’s cruelness. That anger drove me to robbery.
Reality set in when I found myself in jail at 19 years old facing 4 life sentences. No one in my corner, no one to speak on my behalf, and not a familiar face in the court room as the judge sentenced me to 52 years.
In the beginning of my sentence My anger was magnified. All my actions were heartless and reckless. From selling drugs to gang banging. Nothing mattered to me except expressing my anger because that was the only way I knew how to cope with the partisan of my adversities.
As I matured, I redirected that anger and began to educate myself and enrolled in college classes, learned about Allah and allowed him to transform my life.
I have been fighting for my freedom back!!!!!!! I have exhausted all appeals and filed for clemency with the governor. By no means am I saying that I did not deserve to go to prison. But I do not believe that I should still be here. I’ve done my time; I’ve learned my lesson, and I have been rehabilitated.Â
I have been incarcerated since I was 19 years old. I am now 42 years old. When is enough, enough? And when will true justice be served? My hope in the justice system is nonexistent. My hope is in Allah, and in him alone.
This story touched my heart for a lot of different reasons. One being I can relate, because at 19 years old I found myself in a similar position. Headed to prison with a 12-year sentence. But what drove me to write this story was the fact that this young man has done almost two life sentences, and he did not take a life.
I am flabbergasted and deeply saddened by this. I have taken it upon myself to bring awareness to the fact that our criminal justice system is broken, corrupt, prejudice and without integrity!
In most states in America a life sentence is 15 years. So, you mean to tell me that 4 robberies no lives taken is equivalent to 3 1/2 life sentences?
Also let’s keep in mind that Abdul was 19 years old when he was sent to prison with no prior adult criminal record. So, I must ask, is our criminal justice system saying that there is no hope for this young man? That change is not possible. Where is the redemption, the rehabilitation, the mercy, the forgiveness and the chance for redirection?
Let me go a little further and say this. The brain is not fully developed until we reach 25 years of age. So, we have basically allowed systematic racism to steal this man’s life before his brain was fully developed. The system hung him out to dry and fed him to the wolves.
l have seen people with rape, kidnapping and murder charges get less time than this.
So, it makes me wonder is Lady Justice truly blind or is she just blind when it comes to black and brown faces. It’s disgusting and heartbreaking to see how quick the system is to throw lives away.
Abdul Haqq thank you for sharing your story with 2 GAIN&GIVE and all its readers. I am with you in your fight for freedom and justice. May Allah bless you and keep you.
– Nairobi X